Uncut Japan ~ View topic

Joined: 29 Jul 2006 Posts: 32

Catching the yamonte the other nighthome from a tiring days work. Someone sneezes right behind me. I can feel the air pressure on my back. What's going on behind me? Man, I hate that!

I can't stand people sneezing and coughing in my face, but what I hate even more are "in-your-face" nose pickers. Maybe you've also seen them shamelessly diggin' for gold on crowded trains.

Tonight I saw this salaryman on the Kehin-Tohoku drilling in deep with his thumb. He pulled it out for a quick inspection, then jammed it back in again. This process repeated for about 15 minutes until he finally got what he was looking for.

To my horror, he carefully rolled it in a ball with his forefinger, and flicked it off in the train! He then proceeded to wrap his dirty paw around the hand ring again Shocked

No shame.

Joined: 29 Jul 2006 Posts: 32

Man,
I NEVER touch the hand rings. I’ve seen some bad SH&*t going on around them. A fellow teacher & slob had a terrible flue one day. She wiped her nose with her hand then wrapped it around the ring while talking to me. I couldn’t believe it. NASTY!

From that day on I take my chances train surfing, not touching anything. Nothing! I’m a Howard Hughes when it comes to that stuff. In 10 years time I expect to be wrapped in bandages from head to foot. Germs!

Dude, Howard Hughes was the Man!!!

Joined: 02 Aug 2006 Posts: 5 Location: Culver City

Ok, this doesn't have to do with Japan but whatever. It has to do with germs and how much they suck.

What I hate is automatic flushing toilets. I've been learning to deal with these porcelain suprises since I've started working at my new job. I don't like them for two reasons:

1. Sometimes you get up and they don't flush. You've just dropped the Browns off at the Superbowl and there you are flinging your arms and legs around like a jack-ass trying to get the stupid thing to recognize that it's time to get rid of the evidence.

2. Sometimes (most of the time) they flush with your ass still warming the seat.

This is bad because I am a hypochondriac. And years ago my idiot friend Natalia thought it would be funny to give me the Hypochondriac's Handbook. Which is where I learned that flushing a toilet sends billions of stranger's ass germs flying through the air with a radius of 30 feet. Also, that the only way to truly clean a toilet is to cover it in alcohol and set it on fire. Even then, it is only clean until the next flush.

So hear I am...using these toilets thirty times a day cuz I've been drinking a shitload of coffee and free bottled water at my work, living in constant fear that everytime I sit on those "intelligent shitters" I'm gonna get billions of other people's poo poo dust particles shoved into numerous orifices cuz the damn toilets flush while I'm still on them!!! ARGH! I miss using my foot to kick the toilet into bending to MY will. Flush when I say it's time to flush damnit! Bitch!

Out here they've got intelligent pissers and shitters too. One thing I've noticed with the pissers is that, without fail, they flush before you even get you thingy out. What's up with that? Seems like a major waste of water to me.

Somebody told me that people here get embarrassed when others hear them peeing. The toilet flushes first to give them a chance to let loose the juice under cover of the flush gush (this theory has yet to be confirmed by other Japanese people BTW).

About the intelligent shitters though, I'd say stay with it till it flushes. Unless you feel like getting turd-burgled.

Joined: 01 Aug 2006 Posts: 24 Location: Tokyo

Don`t have a go at the Buck Rogers toilets!!!

Here`S why....

1. Those little robotic bastards never ever shy away from a job!!! you could but 6-7 pounds of mothers best mud in there and it would still only take one flush!!!

2. That thing that comes out and sprays your ass is good........ and i mean real good!!!
Laughing

3. Squat bogs are shit and everyone but asian people know it!!! I`ve heard all the arguments for them, but any toilet where I have to take of my shoes, balance on them (the shoes) whilst full removing my trousers and pants, put them (the shoes) back on, pull my shirt tails up and stuff them into my mouth to avoid splash back, hover and shuffle into position (often clipping my bell-end on the protruding lip of the squat bog, forcing me to gag on my own shirt tails) and then shit, is a pretty harrowing experience. Plus we all like to inspect are own turds after a good struggle and squat bogs don`t offer the same visual aesthetics of a porcelain throne.

So there you have it..... android toilets are the future

http://www.cromwell-intl.com/toilet/#nsea

Joined: 28 Jul 2006 Posts: 93 Location: Oomori, Tokyo

wow, man, that was probably the funniest thing I've read in my life, way to capture it all in one short post cack pipe!

kudos!

You're drunk at 3am, and have a bad case of the green-apple-splatters. Good luck balancing your hiney over one of those bad-boys.

Not cool at all.

Joined: 10 Aug 2006 Posts: 43 Location: Yokohama, Japan

those bidet type toilets with the spray nozzle are a fuckin experience...when I was in Kyoto with my Dad, my curiosity got the best of me while dropping one in the hotel room and I must had been giggling out loud for a good 45 seconds...since I didnt go in with any reading material my dad in the other room must have wondered what the hell is son was doing.........

Damn, you tried it?!

Hey, I always wondered, is the water that shoots out warm or cold?

Joined: 28 Jul 2006 Posts: 93 Location: Oomori, Tokyo

You can actually have it either way, it depends on the kinda operation they're running. Most of the time the water is heated of course (as long as the option is turned on) Of course, please be advised!!!: fellas, the "bidet" option is ONLY FOR THE LADIES! If you try this one, you will be walking out with soggy balls!! Please be careful. This is why of course, for the fellas, and the for the ladies, we have the "oshiri" option. Oshiri of course means "butt." And this is the option to shoot for. This is all in order to save on the use of paper. 15 seconds on wash, grab some TP, and you're "drawing an ace!" If you don't know what that means, please follow cack pipe's link and look it up in the dictionary. Needless to say, the first couple of times it's a bit.... embarassing, or something, but in the end, it works better for your ass, and the environment, please give er a whirl sometime!!

Joined: 14 Aug 2006 Posts: 8